Several years ago I was at a computer show demoing software. The audience was composed of retired school teachers. I explained how to use the mouse to point to things on the screen. As I walked around the room making sure everyone was doing ok, I saw one woman holding her mouse to the Mac's monitor moving the mouse around on the screen.
Me: "Have you tried rebooting your computer?"
Customer: "What?! Oh no, you never, EVER, reboot a computer!"
Me: "Ma'am, I can assure you that it's perfectly safe to--"
Customer: "No! If I went to the president of Milicron (a computer manufacturer) and told him that you said to reboot my machine, he would just laugh at that! You don't ever reboot a computer!"
Me: "Well, something like that might be reasonable if it were a large server or something, but rebooting your PC won't cause any--"
Customer: "No! No! No!" (click)
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* Customer: "I tried to use this web page from my bookmarks, but it comes back with a DNS failure!"
* Tech Support: "Can you go anywhere else?"
* Customer: "YES!"
* Tech Support: "Then it's probably that the web site is down for repairs or that it's been discontinued. That happens on the Internet."
* Customer: "Well, go out and fix it! It's at [some obscure site in Japan]."
* Tech Support: "That would require me to take Japanese language lessons for about six months. Then you will have to send me money and plane tickets to travel to Japan to speak with the people who shut down the web site."
* Customer: "Geez, all I want is naked pictures!"
* Tech Support: "Who is your supervisor, so we can make arrangements?"
* Customer: "Ms. [such and such]."
* Tech Support: "Ok, please hold, and we'll have a conference call..."
* Tech Support: "Thank you for calling customer service, and how may I help you?"
* Customer: "I can't get it to do."
* Tech Support: "Excuse me, ma'am?"
* Customer: "I can't get my Internet to do."
* Tech Support: "Let's check your setup."
* Customer: "Okey dokey."
* Tech Support: "Are you at your desktop?"
* Customer: "Yes."
* Tech Support: "Do a double click on the 'My Computer' icon."
* Customer: "I don't see that one."
* Tech Support: "What screen are you on, and what does you desktop look like?"
* Customer: "Wood."
* Tech Support: "What's on your screen, ma'am?"
* Customer: "A bunch of names."
* Tech Support: "Like what?"
* Customer: "Bill, George, Larry, Jim."
* Tech Support: "What screen are you on?"
* Customer: "I am on the one I'm on. I need to go get my daughter. She's the computer guru of the family."
* Tech Support: "Great, thank you."
* April: "Hi, I'm April, and you are?"
* Tech Support: "Mike."
* April: "Mike. Cool, dude."
* Tech Support: "Are you at your desktop?"
* April: "You will have to excuse my mother. She's a little dense."
* Tech Support: "No problem."
* April: "How old are you?"
* Tech Support: "300 years old. I'm the 'Highlander.' Um, would you do a double click on the 'My Computer' icon?"
* April: "Sorry, I don't see that one."
* Tech Support: "What do you see?"
* April: "Bill, George, Larry, and Jim."
* Tech Support: "What version of Windows are you using?"
* April: "Ninety-something I guess."
* Tech Support: "Erm. Shut down the computer and reboot."
* April: "Ok...." (pause) "Done."
* Tech Support: "What does your screen say?
* April: "Bill, Larry, Jim, Barbie, and Wimper."
* Tech Support: "Just for kicks, do a double click on 'Bill,' and see what happens."
* April: "What is this?"
* Tech Support: "What did it do?"
* April: "It now has little folders: modems, devices, etc."
* Tech Support: "Why was your 'My Computer' icon named Bill?"
* April: "I wanted to name it something cute. Did I screw up?"
I'm a tech support engineer for a software company. I had a guy call up rather annoyed that the disks we'd sent him containing the latest version of our software didn't work.
* Customer: "The install fails half way through. I tried several times, and it always fails at the same point."
* Tech Support: "Did you see any kind of error message?"
* Customer: "Yes."
* Tech Support: "What did the error message say?"
* Customer: "It said, 'Please insert Disk 2.'"
* Tech Support: "Have you got another disk there?"
* Customer: "Yes."
* Tech Support: "Is it labelled 'Disk 2'?"
* Customer: "Yes, it is."
* Tech Support: "Insert that disk into the drive, and click 'OK'."
* Customer: "Wow, thanks! That's fixed it. It's installing now. What was it, a faulty disk or something?"